Friday, February 06, 2009

It's Not Like They Said, Marriage, Babies & Baking is "Having it All"


Back in September of 2007 I linked you to an article titled, "The Cost of Delaying Marriage." You might be wondering how so many women bought into that idea anyway; that delaying marriage and children for the pursuit of "Having it all!" was the thing to do?

Well, here's your answer along with the result of that lifestyle.

The truth comes out from self-proclaimed feminist, Zoe Lewis, who followed the ideals of the feminist movement. Twenty-five years later the results are in. If you appreciated, "The Cost of Delaying Marriage," you'll want to know what she has to say.

Here are a few quotes from her article:

"I wish a more balanced view of womanhood had been available to me. I wish that being a housewife or a mother wasn't such a toxic idea to middle-class liberals of yesteryear."

"Increasing numbers of my feminist friends are giving up their careers for love and children and baking. I wish I'd had kids ten years ago, when time was on my side, but the problem is not so much time as mentality. I made a conscious decision not to have serious relationships because I thought I had all the time in the world. Many of my friends did the same. It's about understanding what is important in life, and from what I see and feel, loving relationships and children bring more happiness than work ever can."

"I thought that men would love independent, strong women, but (in general) they don't appear to. Men are programmed to like their women soft and feminine. It's not their fault - it's in the genes. Holly Kendrick, 34, who holds a high-status job in the theatre, agrees: “Men tend to be freaked out if you work as hard as them.” This is why many of my girlfriends are still alone. The truth, though, is not that men haven't accepted women's modernity - the alpha woman who never questions her entitlement to the same jobs, fun and sexual gratification as them - but that women haven't either. I feel a great pressure from other women of my generation, who have partners and kids, to join their club. In their eyes I am not the trailblazer but the failure. My friend Rita Arnold, 36, works in marketing. “It's not men who judge me for being a careerist. It's other women. The claws come out.”

"This leaves me sick to the stomach. We are letting each other down but there is a worse betrayal than that. I am a failure in my own eyes. Somewhere inside lurks a woman I cannot control and she is in the kitchen with a baby on her hip and dough in her hand, staring me down. She is saying: “This is happiness, this is what it's all about.” It's an instinct that makes me a woman, an instinct that I can't ignore even if I wanted to."

Read the article in full here.

Recommended Resources:
The Blessing of Children Collection

1 comment:

Nick Jesch said...

Was just reading this morning a commentary on the roots of our present economic mess. We as a culture are unable/unwilling to delay our desires for "stuff", will have today and defer until tomorrow the imminent "payday". Reading this, I can't help but realise the same disease is at the root of delaying marriage until we "have the stuff". Which often translates "until too late to have all marriage should bring". We are not content to trust God for the times and seasons HE deems best, preferring rather to set the "seasons of life" according to our own understanding. This is leading rather inexorably to a demographic winter, as well as an economic and spiritual one. Ah, the good news is, though, that revival can't be far in the future.For HE remains faithful despite our infidelity.