Today we ran our Friday errands and added an extra stop to the list. We had spied a hat shop along our route the other day and made arrangements to pay them a visit...unfortunately there wasn't a single hat that was in our color range, as lovely as they were. While we were there we did learn that there was a code of ethics to hat wearing. Of course we all understand that hat etiquette involves men tipping their hats to ladies or removing them if they wish to converse with a lady. But I had no idea there were rules that applied to us ladies as well.
Standing before the mirror, spying how I looked in a plum woven hat, I frowned when I realized the crown was tall enough that I could compete with Haas on Bonanza. The salesclerk could barely handle my clumsy hat etiquette and gave us a brief overview of how a lady wears a hat. "Are you married?" she asked.
"No" I replied wondering what that had to do with hats. "Then a little to the left please. Married women wear their hats tilted or drawn down to the right and unmarried ladies tilt to the left." I gazed for another moment considering what would happen if a potential suitor was dislexic and mistook me for a married woman but my procrastination pushed her over her limit. "You ladies please come over here," referring to my mother and Andrea. She positioned them a good 7 feet away from me so they could view a master at work. (Or perhaps so my foolishness wouldn't rub off before she saved me from my hat foibles.) "Now watch how this works." She proceeded to rearrange the hat on my head a little to the front and quite a distance to the left. I looked at myself once more and thought sarcastically, "Now that ought to get me married." It appeared as though I had just been in a fender bender, hit from behind in traffic. I placed it back square and center. "I am affraid that I will have to break the rules on this one, so I can see where I am going" With her hands on her hips she held her peace. I had a mental lapse however and decided to try on another never even suspecting I would be disarranged once more. What was I thinking?
"Oh no, no. Understand that the brim must not extend past the nose!" Off came the hat. She turned it around backwards and replaced it on my head. "There you see ladies?"