The TV is my shepherd, I shall turn it on,
it maketh me to lie down on the sofa.
It leads me away from the scriptures,
it ravishes my soul!
It leads me through the paths of ignorance and violence
for the sponsors' sake.
Yea, though I walk in the shadow of my responsibilities,
There will be no interruptions
for the TV is with me.
Its cable and remote control,
they comfort me.
It prepares a commercial before me
It plants lies within my mind;
It anoint my head with materialism,
my coveting runneth over.
Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell
in the house watching TV forever.